The Handyman’s 12 Days of Christmas

Cameron the HandymanOn the first day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“Toilet’s blocked again – you won’t be using it to even pee!”

On the second day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

”There’s still no water in the toilet, the bathroom light has shorted and you’ll have to use a candle to see.”

On the third day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“The front gate is off its hinges, the dogs are down the street and I’m looking like I’ll be a busy little B@*#%!@*.”

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“I hear four birds are calling in, three of them are artists, two own cats and one of them has my key.”

On the fifth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“Fair dinkum, doesn’t anyone make outdoor furniture that isn’t put together with Chinese instructions and an Allen key?”

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

”I saw six geese a-laying on the farm I was working to lay five metres of paving for a new outdoor area, before Christmas Eve.”

On the seventh day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“Struth, I was offered seven swimming swans, six laying geese, five golden chooks, four calling birds in exchange for my Handyman fee!”

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

”I made a maid happy with my drilling and I told her I’d fix that leaky tap tomorra before it’s time for tea.”

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Handyman to me,

“I had nine ladies dancing in delight about the leaky tap I fixed for the grateful maid…turns out they’re all widows and have lots of jobs for me to come and see!”

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

Why are there ten lords a-leaping naked on our front lawn?” To which I replied, “If you can have nine ladies dancing, I’ll go a couple better…you obviously didn’t see the one hiding behind the tree?”

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“It’s the eleventh hour, we’ve had too much Christmas cheer – your eleven naked lords a-leaping need to go home so I’m ready for my nine dancing ladies who in the morning will be needing me.”

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Handyman said to me,

“There are twelve drummers drumming in my head, after eleven beers drunk ten hours ago on the job for the nine dancing ladies, accompanied by the happy maid and those pesky eleven leaping lords. Shut up those bloomin’ seven swimming swans, six laying geese, five golden chooks, four calling birds and the dogs barking down the street.”

Merry Christmas! Get in early with those jobs before the Christmas cheer kicks in!

Written by the Handyman’s marketing staff over a few drinks…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s